She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
