I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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