guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
