It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
