at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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