I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
