he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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