What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
