I think I won the penis lottery.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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