Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I died a long time ago.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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