Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
