i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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