Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
