oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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