that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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