I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
