your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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