We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
