he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
