I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
