My first STD was from a foam party
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
