wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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