I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
