Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
