Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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