I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
