Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
