The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
