I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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