i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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