i need an iv and a liver transplant
too bad you live with your parents still
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Randomize
