I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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