U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
