she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
