I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
