I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
