But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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