Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
