It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
