I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
