I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ok first of all what the fuck
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
