You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
