i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Someone came in the potted fern
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
