i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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