Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
