I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
