I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
