its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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