I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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