Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
