I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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