1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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